I continue down this path trying to keep a good attitude. It has been one year since I have been diagnosed. I am definitely better than I was a year ago, but outside my immediate family it probably isn't recognizable. I still am not very social because loud noises and lots of activity are draining. But, on the positive side I have about 2 hours in the morning that I am up and about, about to do housework or go to the doctors without feeling pain or fatigue. I still sleep from about 12:30/1:00 until 4:00 when I can and then I'm able to spend time with the kids for another couple of hours until Jim gets home. But, when he gets home I am physically wiped and in a great deal of muscle pain for the rest of the night. I saw a quote from a the past president of the chronic fatigue association that helped me remember that I am not the only one. She used to work doing research for both AIDS and chronic fatigue and now she strictly does chronic fatigue. Here is what she said:
"My H.I.V. patients for the most part are hale and hearty thanks to three decades of intense and excellent research and billions of dollars invested. Many of my C.F.S. patients, on the other hand, are terribly ill and unable to work or participate in the care of their families.I split my clinical time between the two illnesses, and I can tell you if I had to choose between the two illnesses (in 2009) I would rather have H.I.V."
I also listened to a panel of CFS patients at a conference talking about living with chronic fatigue. One said that the way he copes is that he stopped believing in miracles and just accepts his lot in life. Well, I have not stopped believing in miracles. I hold on to the hope that Paul speaks of in Romans that "the power that raised Christ from the dead lives in me." It is that God that will one day make me completely well.
